Lee

[00:00:00] Speaker A: A bit of a cover version of this. To the music by 3 Fox Drive. Welcome to Nick's Nuggets on this rather chilly Wednesday. So we've had David from mentoring to the maze. And I think it's very important that without trying to sound sexist. I'm not trying to do that, but it's great that sometimes we get a men's point of view with mental health, because I don't think it gets a huge amount of coverage. So it's great to have David in, comes once a month and chats about everything. My next guest up on the microphone is Lee. Good morning, Lee. [00:00:40] Speaker B: Good morning. [00:00:42] Speaker A: So, Lee, tell us a little bit about lee. [00:00:46] Speaker B: Well, I'm 68 years old. [00:00:48] Speaker A: Oh, you're young. [00:00:49] Speaker B: Young. 68 years young. Sorry. Yeah. Had what I would call a blessed life. But even a blessed life has dark moments, and I've had a few over the last couple of years. And through Divina with Mind the Walk and. And that. And now this asks. Ask anything, I've got the opportunity to try and help people, to pay back the help that I got through my dark moments. [00:01:22] Speaker A: Okay, so without going into dark moments, obviously, if you want to, you can, you know, what did people do? Who were they? Who worked you through those dark moments? [00:01:34] Speaker B: Okay, my brother, for a start. Well, through my first dark moment, I had. My husband was the love of my life and my very best friend and my brother. And through more recently, when I lost my husband, my brother, and a couple of my friends, Davina being one of them. A friend of mine called Adele and another one called Kelvin. They have just been there just when you need them sometimes to listen to you cry and weep and moan and carry on like an idiot. And other times to go, come on, suck it up, get on your feet and go. [00:02:11] Speaker A: It's a tough one, isn't it? Yeah, it's tough between. It's between. Toughen up and don't push me too far. [00:02:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:19] Speaker A: It must be that balance that we've got to get right, and people have to have a sense of where they can go with those sort of things, [00:02:28] Speaker B: because some people do need a lot of coddling, and there's nothing wrong with that, but some people do, and I'm one of those people. I need the tough love. Get on with it. [00:02:39] Speaker A: Oh, really? [00:02:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm. I'm very. There's always somebody worse off than you, and if you take that attitude, you're not doing so bad. [00:02:51] Speaker A: Yes. I think that's one of the things about, you know, like. You know, like I use a silly example of a kid can. Lee. Like people here, you know, you say there's always somebody worse off and, you know, like, we haven't got it too bad, you know, And I think if people, which they have been, we. If you have a license and you get that hundred dollars from the, the government, people say, well, it's not very much money, I think, yeah, but it is money. Yeah. Oh, I don't want to go on the website and do it. And I think, well, you can do it on paper form. I'm not going to do that. And I think, well, you know, you can't win. [00:03:33] Speaker B: No. [00:03:34] Speaker A: And I think somebody's giving you $100. Okay. You might have to do paperwork and fill in and send it off, but it's still $100 they're giving you. [00:03:42] Speaker B: Well, yeah, it's $100 you didn't have 10 minutes ago. [00:03:45] Speaker A: That's the thing, you know, and, you know, rather complain rather than appreciate $100. They're complaining about. Yeah. All the loops I've got to go through to get it, you know, it's. It's not bad as long as you're giving you $100. [00:04:00] Speaker B: Very true. But you've always got the people who. What's that old saying, the glass is half full or the glass is half empty. [00:04:06] Speaker A: That's it. [00:04:07] Speaker B: And to me, the glass is always half full. [00:04:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:11] Speaker B: Because there's still some in there. [00:04:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:13] Speaker B: If the glass is empty, then that's when you're in a dark spot and you need somebody to help you fill the glass back up again. [00:04:20] Speaker A: You do. So what has you. If you. Again, you don't have to go. Has your husband passed recently? [00:04:31] Speaker B: Two years ago, yeah. Well, on the 15th of June, it'll be two years ago. [00:04:36] Speaker A: And were you in a dark place when he passed away, Lee? [00:04:41] Speaker B: I didn't think I was, but looking back on it, yes, I was. And I thought I was dealing with it very well, but when I do look back, I wasn't dealing with it quite as well as I thought. And that's why those people were very important because they kept me looking towards the light sort of thing. And, yeah, it was hard. Like I say, he was my best friend as well as my husband. We were together for 43 years. [00:05:11] Speaker A: Wow. [00:05:11] Speaker B: And I had spent the last five years caring for him. And the last two years, he was totally incapacitated, so I had to do everything for him. And suddenly I had this great hole in my day. You know, I get up and I go, oh, okay. Now what do I do? [00:05:28] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. I mean, it's a. Yeah again, you know, I don't know. I haven't been in that situation. But like you say, if towards the end, if you had to basically do everything for him, and people will say could. Some people could say that's a burden, which I can understand. But it's still something that you do 247 and somebody takes that away from you. [00:05:56] Speaker B: Like you say, there's suddenly this great big hole and you don't know how to fill it. [00:06:01] Speaker A: Yeah. What. What do you do now to fill that void? [00:06:09] Speaker B: I try and do as much voluntary work as I can. Unfortunately, late last year, I was told that my cancer had returned. So this six months has been getting through that, getting through the chemo and getting back on my feet. Well, staying on my feet, not getting back on my feet, staying on my feet and just filling my time the best I can. Yeah, I do a lot of gardening and I feel just being with nature, it grounds. That's a bit of a pun. It grounds you, but it does ground you. Being in the garden and just being close to nature, it's calming. And you see, when you see things grow, you realize life goes on. [00:06:56] Speaker A: Yes, it's. Do you find in your. Because we're a similar vintage, do you find, as you've. I always maintain that, you know, when your 30s, you're still pretty gung ho in this. In your 40s, you're a little bit more maybe angry at the way things are happening and things you see around you, 50s, you learn a little bit more. But, you know, you think, oh, how can you learn a little bit more in your 50s, you know, but in your 60s, like we are, I find you learn even more. More. [00:07:35] Speaker B: You do, I think, because you. You stop and you listen and you take notice. When you're younger, you don't have time. You're so busy getting on with life that you don't have time to stop and listen and like the old saying, smell the roses. Whereas when you're older, you've got that time and you do tend to slow down. And when you slow down, that's when you notice things and, like, say you hear things and you learn things because you're absorbing it, you're not rushing past it. [00:08:05] Speaker A: Do you find, as they were similar vintage. I find that now there will be things which I shake my head at the. Sometimes the stupidity at what I see the stupidity, what they do. And rather than fester on it and get angry about it, I think, well, there's Nothing I can really do about that. And so I don't agree with it, but I'll let that. I'll accept it for whatever reason and I move on to something happier. [00:08:41] Speaker B: Yeah. I think if you try and fix things that you can't fix, you're just going to scramble your brain. You've just got to sit back. Like you say, I can do nothing about it. And I look at young people and I hear a lot of people knocking young people. And I think, you know what? If you were to go back and there was social media back in our day, we wouldn't be looking much different. We still did stupid things. We still did, you know, things our parents thought were harebrained and they just, [00:09:15] Speaker A: they're just learning life and they have the. They have the world now, whereas everything is done for them. And their ability to have to research is. They don't have to do that anymore. [00:09:42] Speaker B: No. [00:09:43] Speaker A: And they're not brought up in a world where they say you can't research. They're brought up in a world where it's there for you. And if you're not take advantage of that, somebody else will. And you're not so behind, but so it's almost generated that you don't have to think. [00:10:03] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. I must admit, I would be scared if I was a young person today. [00:10:11] Speaker A: That's a very good point you're making. [00:10:12] Speaker B: I would be scared because everything you do is judged. Everything you do is recorded. Everything you do. There's no privacy. So no wonder. Some of them go a little bit do ladling now and again and kick over the traces we did in our way. [00:10:28] Speaker A: And I think too, on that I agree. I wouldn't like to be brought up in that world. I mean, I know it's there and I use certain amount of it. I. I think one of the other scary things that the young people have to deal with is the reality. Like, we knew reality. [00:10:47] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:48] Speaker A: You know, whereas they can put up a picture of you and do this, this, this, and all of a sudden there's this image of you and it's not real, but they think it's real. Well, we. It was. Wasn't like that now, was it? There's a photo of you, it's a photo of you. [00:11:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:07] Speaker A: Yeah. But now it, you know, you could end up looking like whoever you want to. [00:11:11] Speaker B: Yeah. And. And you have no control. You don't have no control. [00:11:14] Speaker A: They don't, do they? [00:11:15] Speaker B: No. [00:11:16] Speaker A: So, you know, I just think it's a minefield, isn't it? [00:11:22] Speaker B: It is and that's why anything that can be done to help not only older people, but younger people deal with the issues and keep their mind healthy is very important. And it's important that older people put out there what they've learned and hope that the younger people will take it on. If they don't, then there's not a lot you can do about it. But hopefully they will absorb some of what you're saying. Because we don't know everything, but we've learned a hell of a lot. [00:11:57] Speaker A: Oh, geez. Yeah. And sometimes, not all the time. History does repeat itself. And if you've been through those situations and the situation come up now, you go, yeah, well, it happened, you know, in my working life. I found that you'd be a. A company and they. They would introduce something, Lee. And it didn't work. And then 10 years later, they come up with exactly the same thing. And I'm thinking, this doesn't work. [00:12:30] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:31] Speaker A: But they do it anyway. [00:12:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:32] Speaker A: Then all of a sudden, it doesn't work. But you sort of think, did you look back at what happened last time? How come it. You know. But that's just like you say, it's just the way it is. [00:12:44] Speaker B: Yeah. I'd like to say to young people, listen to my hindsight, but they can't. They have to learn for themselves. [00:12:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:54] Speaker B: But we have to be there to help them if they fall. [00:12:57] Speaker A: Yeah, that's. [00:12:58] Speaker B: And it's the same with anybody of any age going through anything. You just have to be there when they fall and help pick them up. [00:13:06] Speaker A: So today, what was your primary purpose of coming into the radio station? [00:13:12] Speaker B: To try and make more awareness out there of mental health and that everybody has mental health, whether it's healthy or whether it's unhealthy. We all have it. And to try and raise awareness and through. Just ask me the program that we're doing at the end of the month and through Mind the Walk, which we're doing in November, to let people know that there is something out there. We are doing something about mental health, and we are trying to raise awareness. But it's okay to come out and say, my brain's scattered. I don't know where I'm at. I don't know whether I'm up, I don't know whether I'm down. I don't know whether I'm in or out. It's okay to be like that. You don't have to be in control and you don't have to be up all the time. There are times when it's all right to say no, I feel like hell and I want to sit in this little hole for the next couple of hours and wallow. And it's okay to do that. Just. You can't sit in that hole forever, and we're here to help you. [00:14:24] Speaker A: So is it a group that you're involved with there, Lee? And what is the group? [00:14:29] Speaker B: Okay, the Just Ask Me is done through connections in Port Kennedy. They're supporting it and hosting the event, but it is associated with Mind the walk, which is run by Rotary. Yeah, Rockingham Rotary. And it's a historical walk. We've got a historical walk, a cultural walk through Rockingham, and the money raised goes towards supporting mental health. It's really. It's a really great walk to do. I did it a couple of years ago, and the things I learned about Rockingham and I'd lived here for years, it was just sort of mind blowing that. Oh, I did not know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know anything about Catalpa. [00:15:21] Speaker A: Isn't that an amazing story? [00:15:22] Speaker B: You know? Yeah. And I didn't. When you walked through Sunray Village and the amount of times I've walked through that village and I never ever looked up and saw the old schoolhouse door above the archway as you walked through, was that. [00:15:36] Speaker A: Sorry. [00:15:36] Speaker B: Sunray Village, you know, opposite the post office on Kent Street. [00:15:42] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Where the. The bakery is. There's a bakery. [00:15:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Winnie's is on, just up from there. Yeah. There's a. What do you call it? Thai restaurant and Glendennings used to be down there. [00:15:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:15:59] Speaker B: And the bike shop is there. Yeah, yeah. And the jewelry shop there. Yeah. When you walk from Kent street down, if you turn around and look up at the archway, there's the old schoolhouse door there. And that. That blew my mind. I just thought, I've walked under this a hundred times and did not know it was there. [00:16:19] Speaker A: Is that right? [00:16:20] Speaker B: Yeah. So. [00:16:21] Speaker A: Wow. Yeah. There's a lot of history in Rockingham, isn't there? [00:16:25] Speaker B: There is, yeah. [00:16:26] Speaker A: You know, it. You know, I know Fremantle has a lot of history, obviously, but there is a lot of history in Rockingham. Yeah. And it's almost like the sleeping again, like the sleeping giant. There's so much there that, like you say they had good Telpa this year, and we were up here, were there, and, you know, we had a few people. What. What's Good Helper, you know, and they were blown away by the whole story. [00:16:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:55] Speaker A: You know, and it is a very interesting story. [00:16:57] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. I looked in a lot, like a lot further into it once I knew about it and. Yeah. And then I thought, I've just got to learn more about where I live. [00:17:07] Speaker A: Yeah. How long you lived here? Working here? [00:17:10] Speaker B: I lived here. My husband and I had a house in Safety Bay. We were there for 10 years, 11 years. Then we sold up and traveled around Australia. Then I came back to Rockingham because my mum was here and needed looking after. And I've been here since, which is about 13, 14 years now. [00:17:28] Speaker A: Wow. You would have seen heaps of changes. [00:17:30] Speaker B: Yes, yes. [00:17:31] Speaker A: Hey, it's sort of like it's slowly getting, you know, we're talking about. It's slowly getting recognition of a. You've got the beach, a lovely beach, you know, along there, you've got. And it's slowly going from what people perceive that to all of a sudden, oh, Rockingham's not bad, isn't it? [00:17:50] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, it was a place where we used to come down to when I was a, when I was a child, we lived up in East Cannington and we'd come down for the day to go to the beach and it was just sort of like, whoa. And then to be living here years later, it's like, okay, well, if you told me that back when I was about 13, I'd have gone, don't be daft, it's too far away. [00:18:10] Speaker A: And that's the thing, isn't it? Like it's 40 odd k's in the city and back in the day, oh my goodness, that's a long way. But now people are bought. Well, obviously they're buying Madura Bay, although Lakelands. And that's a lot. That is a lot. It's further away. Yeah. So it's just the way it changes, isn't it? [00:18:29] Speaker B: It is, yeah. And I mean, it's a beautiful area to grow up in. I didn't grow up here, but I think for the young people it's a nice place to grow up. You know, you've got the beach there all the time, so it's healthy. Even if you don't go in the water, you just walk along the foreshore. It's, you've got fresh air, you've got your exercise and you just sit in [00:18:52] Speaker A: the car, have a coffee, you know, and look over, you know, the beach. It's, it's not bad, is it? [00:18:58] Speaker B: No. You know, I think we're very lucky living here. [00:19:00] Speaker A: I think what you've got to say a sneaky little thing here, Lee. I, I do go to the 711 and grab a cheap coffee and just go down to Foreshore. [00:19:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:12] Speaker A: You know, and it's a. The coffee's nice and the view is great. Yeah. So. So what's your next step, so to speak, in your. In your quest? I mean, I know you've said you've got the walk coming up and you're with Connections, is that correct? [00:19:28] Speaker B: I'm not with Connections, but Connections is hosting the event. Just Ask Me. Me. So I'm on the panel for that. So it's for people to ask questions of myself and other panelists. I think there's five of us all together with different backgrounds. Okay. We've got a Navy guy that's going to, you know, sort of answer questions in regards to, like, PTSD and that sort of thing. [00:19:55] Speaker A: Okay. [00:19:56] Speaker B: There's another lady who had a family member commit suicide. So we're there so people can ask us questions. How did you deal with it? What did you do? And that sort of thing. And basically it's just ask us anything. [00:20:12] Speaker A: I think that's the important thing, isn't it? Like, it's, you know, it's getting the message out there. And one of the things we do at IPL is we have people like yourself coming in and the gentleman before you. It's all. There's nothing. There's no ulterior motive, you know, and would be the same with you. You're not after anything. You're just after helping people. [00:20:37] Speaker B: That's right. Yeah. [00:20:38] Speaker A: And sometimes one of the hardest things is getting a message out there that there are people who want to help. [00:20:45] Speaker B: Yeah. And people are frightened to ask questions. They're frightened of hurting your feelings. They're frightened of upsetting you. Yeah. And at the end of the day, I don't care if you upset me, if it helps you, because, yes, it's upset me, but I got through it once, I'll get through it again. [00:20:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:00] Speaker B: It's. So I'm quite happy for people to ask me anything. If I do feel that it's something that's inappropriate, then I will say I think that's not right. [00:21:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:11] Speaker B: But if it's going to help you, fine, I'll answer it. But it's not really. Yeah. Yeah. [00:21:17] Speaker A: And that's what we sell this interview. I mean, there's, you know, if you don't want to talk about your dark days and your husband who passed away, then you would say, I'd rather not talk about that subject. But if I ask you and you're happy to answer, then that's that's what it's about, isn't it, really? [00:21:36] Speaker B: And it's about sharing what you've been through to show people that there is a way out. [00:21:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:45] Speaker B: It doesn't matter how deep and dark the hole is. There's a top, there's a hole at the top and you can get out of it. [00:21:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:54] Speaker B: It's just a shame that some people don't see the light, that there is a hole at the top and you can fall out. [00:22:04] Speaker A: That is the thing, isn't it? You know, there's. It's hard sometimes. Like you say yours was tough love, which, you know, it's, everybody's different in that regard. And some people give tough love, they don't like it and they turn away and you've got to, like you say, molly coddle them a little bit, but how much do you molly coddle them before they say, well, mate, I've done not all of this. I've tried to help you as much as I can by doing this, this, this, this. Sometimes you've got to maybe do a little bit yourself. [00:22:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Yes. And I mean, I know people get very despondent and if they don't feel they've got anywhere to turn to. And that's where I think your gentleman that was on before, he's offering a place for people to turn, turn to. And I was listening to some of it and yes, you need a safe place. [00:23:06] Speaker A: Indeed. [00:23:07] Speaker B: And I felt that with the friends I had, that was my safe place. [00:23:11] Speaker A: Yes. [00:23:12] Speaker B: And I could say anything to them. I could scream, I could kick, I could cry or I could laugh, you know, I could, I could bring up stupid things that my husband and I had done and laugh. [00:23:22] Speaker A: Yes. [00:23:23] Speaker B: And didn't matter which one I was doing, they didn't judge. [00:23:27] Speaker A: That's the most important thing is being non judgmental because, you know, it's. And I think in general life that, you know, you might go to the, what you say, to a supermarket and the, the checkout person, maybe not the most polite or friendly, you know, and you think, oh, that was very nice, but we don't know what that person has been through. I might have had a terrible morning. I might have this, this, this. I might have had, you know, and, but it's very judgmental, say, well, I were miserable, weren't they? [00:24:01] Speaker B: Yeah, but you don't know, they might, they may have just lost somebody that was. They may have somebody in hospital. [00:24:06] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:24:06] Speaker B: You know, you don't know. It's that old saying, don't judge a man until You've walked ten moons in his moccasins. And until you've been through what somebody's going through, you, you can't judge. All you can do is be there [00:24:20] Speaker A: and support, and the easiest thing to do is judge. [00:24:23] Speaker B: Yes. We're very good at it, you know. [00:24:28] Speaker A: You know, like. Yeah, it's just. There's a bit of human nature, I think, in judging, and it's not necessarily a good thing, you know, I don't think. Oh. So is there a final message you'd like to share with us, Lee? [00:24:45] Speaker B: Come along to connections on the 28th. [00:24:49] Speaker A: Whereabouts is that? [00:24:50] Speaker B: It's down in Port Kennedy. Ask the questions. [00:24:55] Speaker A: Yep. [00:24:55] Speaker B: And then join us in November for Mind the Walk. [00:24:58] Speaker A: So Connections can be done through the web? [00:25:02] Speaker B: Yes. [00:25:02] Speaker A: Is it C O N E, C T I O, N S? Yes, it's about that way. So we put in connections in a search. Connections. Port Kennedy, Y. It'll come up. Yeah. Okay. With all the information there. Yeah. It's been a pleasure, Lee, and thank [00:25:19] Speaker B: you for inviting us in to be able to pass our message on. We appreciate it. [00:25:23] Speaker A: That's what we've chatted about before. It's. That's what we're here for. We're here for the same reason you are, you know, is to get involved in the community, to give people a voice in the community. And the amount of groups that we've had through here, it's astounding how many people want to help. How many groups want to help? All voluntary run. Well, most of them are voluntary run. All want to help. And it's, you know, it's just a pity that it doesn't get as much legs as it should do. [00:26:03] Speaker B: But we're working on it. [00:26:04] Speaker A: We are. Thanks very much, Lee. You have a great Wednesday, and I'll finish off with this.